easy pumpkin butter

I ended up leaving my job after Bodhi was born. Although there were definitely times when I had considered being a stay-at-home mom, I fully planned on going back to work; my company had just gone through a major restructure and a new job in the non-perishable grocery industry was waiting for me. But then Bodhi surprised us by coming early -- five weeks early, with a pair of underdeveloped lungs. He is completely healthy now, but we did spend some time in the NICU and then multiple weeks waiting and waiting until he was old enough to be tested for an additional condition. At our last appointment he was deemed healthy -- but the pulmonologist gave me a warning. Daycare, he said, in the midst of the cold and flu season (one of the worst on record), could put him right back into the NICU. It took me a week to finally power on my work laptop and send the e-mail, but not long after that I was no longer employed.

I struggled finding work-life balance with my job (I wrote a little about that here) and so I can only imagine how I would be feeling now if I was trying to work and be the best mom that I can be for Bodhi. Robert and I also happened to work at the same company, in the same field, and the hours can be long; if I was working we would both probably be seeing him for two or three hours max per day. Being home, I get to really savor each phase that he goes through. Had I gone back to work, I would have missed those mornings when we danced around the living room to The Jungle Book soundtrack, those afternoons when he couldn't sleep and I held him for hours in the rocker, those early evenings when it was cool and we walked while listening to the crickets chirp.  And so, staying home has been one of the best decisions I've made. But it wasn't the easiest at first.*

tiny Bodhi asleep in the rocker (😭😭😭)

The thing is, coming from a corporate job, I was sort-of addicted to being busy. And it's not that you're not busy as a stay-at-home mom it's just that it's a different kind of busy. At work I had reports to pull, meetings to attend, phone calls to answer, ads to build, projections to make, product reviews to accomplish, e-mails to respond to (oh God, the E-MAILS). A lot of days it felt like I didn't have a spare second to think until I left for the day. At home I have a baby to take care of, a household to keep clean and running, meals to cook and I have to be "on" 100% of the time which can be exhausting (especially since Mr. B stopped taking a bottle at six months). And sometimes, with only a baby to talk to all day and limited adult interaction, the day can feel long, I have a lot of time to think, and I sometimes start to feel like a different version of myself; the Carrie that is only a mom, and nothing else.

one of those "beginning goals" weeks (see below) 

I'm sure you're wondering what this has to do with pumpkin butter.  Well, I realized this conundrum pretty early on in my maternity leave and knew that I had to do something to make sure that I maintained my vision for myself; the Carrie that had been for thirty-one years before welcoming a baby. And so, every week I made some goals. In the beginning, when we were breastfeeding around the clock and sleeping very little, they were small: wash my face, change my clothes, clean something, eat a healthy lunch, call a family member or friend, leave the house (even if it was just to go to the Starbucks drive-through), etc. But as Bodhi got older and started taking longer, more frequent naps (until the 4-8 month time-frame which is a whooooooole other post) my goals evolved: get out of the house more often, plan a get together with friends, make a certain number of dinners per week, do a yoga workout, make jam, etc. To this day (we're a little past the 10-month mark), I still do this and this past week making pumpkin butter was on my list. I really love the fall and having toast with pumpkin butter on a Saturday morning is one of those October things that I just want to do every year. This recipe is really, really easy and it makes a lot; perfect for sharing with a friend (and bonus that it gives you a reason to take a drive and drop it off at her house).

best if eaten on an English Muffin

Ingredients:

-30 oz. pumpkin puree 

-2/3 cup brown sugar

-1/4 cup pure maple syrup

-1/2 cup apple cider 

-1 tbsp. lemon juice

-2 1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice

-1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

-pinch of sea salt (to taste)

Method:

Combine all ingredients in a sauce pan set over medium-high heat. Let it come to a slow bubble. (This will be more like mud bubbling than water because it's so thick). Reduce the heat to low and simmer for twenty minutes (at which point it should be very smooth). Check your seasoning and add additional sea salt if necessary. Allow to cool completely, then put into jars or airtight tupperware and store in the refrigerator (will last about three weeks).

*This goes without saying but I am very blessed to even have the option to stay home. Working moms are amazing and I can't even imagine the amount of practice that it takes to feel like you're getting to everything that's pulling at you. That said, I do think being a SAHM and a working mom each present their own sets of challenges, and it's okay to feel like you need "you" time whether you're in one role or the other. Just putting that out there because the internet is a great place for "shaming" behind the curtain of a computer screen. Let's all support each other. 

recipe source here